Holy Saturday...Waiting in the Liminal Space

"As his body was taken away, the women from Galilee followed and saw the tomb where his body was placed. Then they went home and prepared spices and ointments to anoint his body. But by the time they were finished the Sabbath had begun, so they rested as required by the law." 
Luke 23: 55-56

Today is Holy Saturday, the day between Good Friday and Easter. It is a day of waiting. It's a liminal space...a place between, a place of transition, a place of transformation. That is how we experience it anyway, 2,000 years after His death and resurrection. The women of Galilee had a different experience. As they walked away from that tomb and the Sabbath began they experienced a death, what they thought was final...an ending. They left that tomb carrying the heaviness of loss and the uncertainty of the future.

And the Sabbath had begun...so they rested as required by the law.

In their deep grief and sadness, in all of the uncertainty they rested. What else could they do?

For the last 13 or so years I have been listening to God for my word of the year. It always comes in the Fall but I take a bit of time to test it out to make sure that it is the right word.  This year my word is "wait". When the word came I thought to myself, "I know what this is all about. Well played God, well played."  Seriously, I thought I knew what I was waiting for and that this was all about learning to cool my heels and settle into that waiting.

And then a global pandemic happened....

This Holy Saturday the world is experiencing the heaviness of loss of what was and the uncertainty that is to come and there is really nothing left for us to do but wait. We are waiting in this liminal space, this space of between, this space of transition, and this space of transformation.

The question I keep asking myself and God is "How do I wait well?" I have tried that anxious approach, the busy approach, and even the "pretend everything is fine" approach...and you know what things aren't fine and no matter how anxious or busy I try to make myself it won't make the enormity of this situation go away nor will it speed up the wait time.

Instead, I will follow the example of those women from Galilee and carry the heaviness of this loss and the uncertainty about the future into the Sabbath that "is required by law".

I am going to rest.
I am going to honor the grief as it comes.
I am going let this liminal space do its work of transition and transformation in my life.
I am going to be present to each moment as it comes. 
I am going to wait in hopeful anticipation of the Resurrection that I know is to come, whatever that looks like.

As we enter the Sabbath of Holy Saturday, I pray that you would be able to experience the deep, peaceful rest of those that know that Sunday is coming and that death has been defeated in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

You are loved and held.

A Time for Untangling

I am a knitter...correction I am a Knitter...that capital K makes a difference. I knit almost every single day. I knit to keep my hands busy when I have to sit still and pay attention. I knit to make beautiful things. I knit to help keep anxiety at bay. I knit because I love colors and fibers. I really love knitting. 

The thing I don't love is .....tangled yarn. 

There is nothing worse that happily knitting away and coming to a massive tangle of yarn. I have a friend that LOVES to untangle yarn. She finds it meditative. I find it maddening. I usually just keep tugging and pulling out just enough yarn to knit with until the tangle is so bad that I have to stop and untangle it. 

They other day I was cleaning up a bunch of  old and abandoned projects. I was ripping back projects that hadn't seen the light of day for months, some even years and rewinding the yarn into tidy little yarn cakes to be used in future projects. 

I was happily winding away and then I came to this mess....

Actually I took this after about 2 hours of untangling. It was bad....really bad. I briefly thought about throwing the yarn away, but it was really nice yarn and I had no place that I hat to be so I took a deep breath, sat down, turned on some music and started untangling. 

Right now I think many of us are feeling pretty tangled which is to be expected in light of all that is going on in the world. I wonder though how many of us are still stubbornly just pulling on the end of the tangle hoping that it will just come loose when in reality it is just making things worse. 

Friends, right now many of us have the time to take a deep breath, sit down with our precious selves, turn on some music and start the process of untangling. Your first reaction may be one of panic or anger....because "DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH?!?!?"  I may not know exactly what you are going through but I do have a general idea and here's the thing I do know, no matter how hard you keep pulling on that yarn it will never come loose it will only get worse. 

So today I am offering you an invitation to sit down, take a breath, and begin to untangle yourself. Even if you just take 20 minutes at a time, it will be worth it. 

Would you look at that beautiful cake of yarny goodness!

Today I pray that you would find space to sit with yourself and The Holy Spirit and mindful begin to untangle your knots. I pray that you are gentle and patient with yourself. I pray that in those moments when you come to the knots that seem impossible you would breath deep and let the Spirit guide you. 

You are loved and held. 

Naming Ants....The Spiritual Act of Presence and Boredom

I can count the number of times I left my hometown as a little kid on one hand. We were pretty poor so there weren't a lot of opportunities for travel.  Every August my Aunt Janet who lived in Warsaw, Indiana would come and visit us. I looked forward to her visits every year because she would play endless games of Scrabble with me. Even though I was a little kid she never took it easy on me. I would prepare for her visits by reading the dictionary. It was GLORIOUS!

There was one summer that we got to go and visit her! I felt so fancy telling my friends, "Yeah...we're going to be out of town for awhile..." To this poor kid who never, EVER got to go anywhere the phrase "out of town" felt so fancy and cosmopolitan! My mom never learned to drive and I can't remember how we even made it to the mythical land of Warsaw, Indiana but I remember being there in Aunt Janet's house.

Aunt Janet's two boys were both grown up so she didn't have a lot of stuff for a little kid to do but I didn't need a lot of stuff to do because I had Aunt Janet and I had my imagination. The most distinct memory I have of being at Aunt Janet's house was sitting on her front porch steps watching the ants bustle about the sidewalk and giving them all names. There was Lloyd and Minerva and Jessica, and Mike....on and on we went giggling as we came up with new names.  I have no idea how long we sat there because it was so much fun that time didn't matter.



I hadn't thought about that in years until the other day when Becca, my 7 soon to be 8 year old, and I and I were talking about what it was like growing up in a time without a lot of technology and in my case without a lot of physical resources.

I do remember saying "I'm bored" a LOT. But I didn't always have an adult who was available to entertain me, Aunt Janet was a once a year treat. Her spiritual act of Presence to me when she was physically present was such an incredible gift that it filled in the spaces when she wasn't there, even after all of these years. She taught me that boredom was a gift in which we can look around and see things that we may never have noticed before. In the boredom we can name things and in that naming we are present to a world in a way that fosters connection and delight.

Today may you lean into presence and boredom as your spiritual act of worship to the Creator of the Universe. May your eyes be opened in new ways to your connection to creation, to each other, and to The Holy One who lives in sacred community. May The Spirit anoint you with holy boredom and presence in a way that you encounter His grace, mercy, and love.

Know that you are loved and held today.

I'm Gonna Pop Some Tags...

During this time of "shelter in place" I have to admit that I am mostly content. I am pretty happy to be in my own space with my family but there is one thing that I am really starting to miss...

Thrifting...

I love thrift stores and antique stores and especially the kind with piles and piles of stuff! Lots of things to sort through looking for those hidden treasures. The joy of thrifting isn't just in the acquisition of items there is so much more to it then that! 

I have a sentimental streak so I like to imagine the people who owned the items. That pyrex casserole dish...that might have held Myrna's famous casserole that she brought to all of the church potlucks. That little wooden box with the wonky blue and green heart painted on the top...that was little Lorena's treasure box that she kept her most special treasures in in the second grade.  That beat up copy of Treasure Island...that was Davey's favorite book in elementary school that inspired him to become a writer. 

Then there are the silly things that you find. One of my favorite's that I regret not buying was a coffee mug that said "I'd rather be 40 than Pregnant". There is whole Facebook page devoted to this kind of thing called "Weird Secondhand Finds That Just Need to be Shared". If you are in need of a giggle go check it out.

Thrifting is a fun solo activity but I really love thrifting with my friends. It's fun to have a friend help you look for and celebrate finding special treasures and to laugh uncontrollably over the silly things that you find. 

Thrifting is essentially looking through piles and piles of stuff to find the things that bring you delight and joy and wonder.  

While I can't go out to my favorite Thrifting spots right now I can use those same principles in my daily life to see all of the places that God is showing up. On a good day the world can seem like a big pile of random things to sort through and it seems like in these days we can get a little overwhelmed with all that we are trying to sort through. 

Right now many of us actually have time to stop and take a look around...sort through that pile of goodness to find those treasures. God is all around us trying to get our attention. 

He is in the birdsong. 

He is in the moments of belly laughs with your friends and families. 

He is in those quiet moments when you can breathe deep and just let yourself relax.

He is in the music that brings a lightness to your spirit for just a few minutes. 

He is here. He is moving. 

We just need to open our eyes and hearts and notice. 

I would love to hear some of the places that you are seeing God. What is bringing you delight and joy and wonder right now? It would be like thrifting with a friend! 

Know that you are loved and held today. 

I can....I need...I love

On a normal day it can be a lot to keep up with my extroverted, spirited daughter but during these long days at home with no school or friends to distract her, not to mention juggling my work and mental health during this global pandemic....well, let's just saying we're doing the best we can. 

Yesterday afternoon I hauled out my polymer clay supplies. I had her watch a beginner's polymer clay tutorial on YouTube while I set everything up. We turned on a movie and got to work. 

 Becca was quickly immersed in both the movie and the polymer clay. I had some things to do so I just left her to it. She sat there for more than 4 hours!

When I went to look at her creations I noticed this....

I was really intrigued by the words she chose. I asked her why she chose them and she shrugged and said, "I don't know they just seemed like important words." 

As we live in this time of uncertainty in the world around us I think these words really are so important. 

I can....what CAN you do? It can be easy to focus on all of the things we can't do but what exactly is it that you can do?

 Here is what I can do:

•  I can find things that bring me joy and hope and point them out to others who need to see them.
•  I can take care of myself physically by eating well and exercising. 
• I can soak in the time I have with my family. 
• I can pray.
•  I can be creative by making art, cooking, singing, and writing. 
• I can be kind
• I can be generous with my time and energy

I will stop there but there are LOTS of things that I CAN do! 

I need...this idea of need is really interesting to me right now. As people are panic buying all of the things, it really is a good time to assess what it is we really need. And you know what? It is ok to need things. Sometimes we need toilet paper, sometimes we need prayer, sometimes we need a hug....we all have needs. I hope that this is a time that we are able to sort out our wants and be able to express our needs. 

Here is what I need: 

• I need quiet time to read God's Word and to listen.
• I need to work through all of emotions I am feeling creatively. 
• I need the love of my family. 
• I need hope. 
• I need joy. 
• I need love. 
• I need peace. 

I love...this was the first one that Becca did and I asked her about it specifically. I asked what exactly was it she loved and she looked me dead in the eye and said very seriously, "Mama, I love EVERYTHING!"  Her love is so big it often leaks out through her body. My daughter is a serial hugger. She cannot help herself. This social distancing stuff is hard for a hugger but she is learning there are other ways to show her love to the world. 

Here is what I love: 

• I love God. 
• I love my family. 
• I love people, even when I am annoyed by them I really genuinely love them
• I love making things. 
• I love wide open schedules where I am free to think things through for as long as I need to. 
• I love pointing people in the direction of love, joy, hope, and peace. 
• I love words. 

This is another one that I could go on with but I will stop there. 

When we are in crisis mode it can be hard to slow down enough to think about what's important. Becca's clay project helped me to focus my thoughts and I wonder if they might do the same for you. 

I would love to hear your thoughts. 

I can...

I need....

I love...

I have set aside a special prayer journal for this specific season. If you have something you would like me to add to that journal you can comment here or private message me on Facebook or Instagram. 

Know that you are loved and held today. 

31 Days of Presence: Day....Well, I'm Not Quite Sure: Here's Where I Am....Thinking, Always, Thinking

So my intention with this blog was to practice 31 Days of Presence and write about it each day. I am till practicing Presence but I needed to pull back from the writing. The reason that we practice any spiritual discipline is to place ourselves in a position so that we are able to receive the Presence of God. The writing stared to feel like the motivation for the practice instead of the practice informing the writing.

This past weekend I was with some friends who I don't see often but have been key players in my formation as a Salvation Army Officer and a believer and the question was asked, "Aren't you a writer?" I responded this way...

"Well, I don't think so. I have a friend who is really a legit writer. She is disciplined and loves developing her craft. I don't really fall into that category but I do write from time to time....I guess I am a person who has thoughts and then occasionally writes them down..."

I have no intention of really growing this blog....if that happens it will be lovely but even now since I am taking a Facebook fast until after the election (more on that later) I wonder if I am just throwing words and thoughts aimlessly into the air. I am not building a platform. I don't plan on writing a book.

Why do I write if I am not a writer?

Well, I need to do something with the things that I think...sometimes it's creating art,sometimes it is verbal discourse, sometimes it's preaching, sometimes it's writing....

One of the reasons that I read so much is that I want to hear others ideas and experiences. It spurs me on to think more thoughts, to grow, to learn...maybe just maybe my voice will be one that helps others. I suppose that is what I am a person who occasionally writes down her thoughts.

The break in writing was good. It helped me to be present to the purpose of this activity and to really examine my motivation. I write a lot...in my head. Maybe part of this whole journey is learning the discipline of writing those thoughts.

Today I wrote....today I will be present.

31 Days of Presence: Day 6 Trying to Ignore the Call to Fast

"It should be accepted as a most elementary human and moral truth that no man can live a fully sane and decent life unless he is able to say "no" on occasion to his natural bodily appetites. No man who simply eats and drinks whenever he feels like eating and drinking, who smokes whenever he feels the urge to light a cigarette, who gratifies his curiosity and sensuality whenever they are stimulated can consider himself a free person. He was renounced his spiritual freedom and become the servant of bodily impulse. Therefore his mind and will are not fully his own. They are under the power of his appetites."  

Thomas Merton

Over the last several weeks the discipline of fasting keeps popping up and I have promptly ignored it and moved on. Fasting is hard and I am practicing Presence...oh wait...

Fasting is a discipline that I always struggle with because there are just so many factors. What exactly am I fasting from, food, TV, social media, talking,,,how long should it last? The reality is that this is one of those things that I find terribly intimidating and spend so much time overthinking that I struggle to engage the practice. 

Today God brought fasting to my attention from two completely unrelated sources. Perhaps it's time to stop overthinking and start listening. 

31 Days of Presence: Day 5 What Happened to Day 4?

Day 4 was a day filled with meetings that required me to be present and focused on a lot of numbers....I am not a numbers person....well, I'm really not a meeting person either. By the end of the day I had to decide how I should use my reserves, writing or feeding my children. The children won...they are very persistent.

There was a temptation to beat myself up over not writing yesterday and then I remembered that part of this project is being present to myself. I chose to give myself a chance to rest and recharge so that I could be more present to God and others on Day 5.

Being present takes focus and energy.

That's it.

 That's the extent of my profundity for the day.

 I am still recharging.

31 Days of Presence: Day 3 There You Are Peter!

Tonight I was able to share one of my all time favorite movies with my sweet little girl. Hook is a movie that I can watch again and again and always find something new that captures my heart. 

As we were watching this scene Becca asked, "What is that boy doing Mama?" I told her to just wait. Finally, with great joy and excitement, she said "He SEES Peter Mama!!" 

It took him a few minutes of exploring and poking but the moment he stretched Peter's face into a smile...that is when he really saw the essence of Peter Pan. That essence was hidden, buried under the layers of adult. It took a bit of work to get to it but that little boy was patient. That little boy was present to Peter. 

In Acts chapter 3 there is a story of Peter and John going to Temple to pray. On the way there they were approached by a crippled beggar asking for money. The Scripture says, "a man lame from birth was being carried in. Each day he was put beside the Temple gate, the one called the Beautiful Gate, so he could beg from the people going into the Temple(Acts 3:2b). Day after day this man approached people for money. This was how he made his living. 

If you spend any time at all in a larger city you will notice that there are a lot of people who are begging on the streets. For many residents of cities those who are begging become a part of the white noise of the city. The sounds of traffic, pigeons strutting along the sidewalks, the metallic statue guys and the beggars; all a part of the fabric of the city but nothing that really catches your attention because they are always there. 

I imagine this is what most days were like for the man lame from birth who sat outside of the Temple at the gate called Beautiful. In and out people went all day long, focused on getting into the Temple to pray and to worship and out to get back to their daily lives. But then one day something incredible happened....

"Peter and John looked at him intently...(3:4a)"

They looked at him...intently! 

There was in fact a healing miracle that happened in this story and that was pretty great but before that miracle could happen Peter and John needed to be present to this man. A man that was so often overlooked. A man who had probably resigned himself to this life of being carried to the Temple each day and watching the people rush passed looking over and even through him. 

Healing begins with seeing. 

Restoration begins with seeing. 

Seeing is the begining of miracles. 

Presence is the beginning of miracles. 

What a beautiful thing to be seen. For someone to intimately and lovingly poke and smush and spread our faces into a smile and say "There you are!"

31 Days of Presence Day 2:I Have Become Uncomfortably Numb

To numb is to deprive of feeling or responsiveness. There are very good reasons that things are numbed. Before a dentist works on a cavity, the tooth and surrounding area are numbed with Novocaine so that the dentist can do the needed work to prevent further decay. Eventually the Novocaine wears off and we are left with that uncomfortable tingling and the feeling that your lips are sliding off of your face. 

Over the past several months I have been attempting to reengage with emotions that felt overwhelming in the last season of my life. But as soon as I start to feel my lips sliding I panic and I attempt to numb again. 

My numbing agents of choice? Social media, books, food, napping, jokes, music, work...I could go on but I think you get the idea. 

With apologies to Pink Floyd, I have become uncomfortably numb. Numb is no longer working for me. The numbing is preventing me from feeling the discomfort but it's also preventing me from experiencing the fullness of life and most importantly the fullness of the Presence of God. 

This 31 days of Presence is really about giving myself the space to let the Novocaine wear off. I want to push through the awkward and discomfort so that I can experience the fullness of what God has for me. So for the next 31 days when I grab for my phone, or rush to fill in the uncomfortable spaces with a wise crack, or try to lose myself in a book or a nap, I will stop myself and touch my face just to make sure that my lips are where they are supposed to be and get back to the business Life. 

 My response is to get down on my knees before the Father,

 this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth.

 I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit - not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength -

that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love,

 you'll be able to take in with all Christians the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! 

Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. 

God can do anything, you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

 Glory to God in the church! Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus! Glory down all the generations! Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!  Ephesians 3:14-21 MSG

31 Days of Presence: Day 1 Skipping Stones

The last several months I have felt a bit like a stone that is being skipped across a pond. I have been powerfully propelled forward and I am just skimming the surface of life. Every once in a while I touch down on the water but then I am back in the air again with the wind whistling in my ears wondering how I keep getting launched. 

In his book Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster says this, " In contemporary society our Adversary majors in three things: noise, hurry, and crowds. If he can keep us engaged in "muchness" and "manyness," he will rest satisfied (15)."

The "muchness" and "manyness" is depleting my soul. I am merely skimming the surface of moments with my family. I have become unaware of my own spirit and person. I am able to acknowledge that God is indeed present but much like being in a noisy party, I can't quite make out what He is saying. 

For the next 31 days I will be using this space to share my journey to Presence. This is a place of accountability for me. This is a place where I can step back, reflect, and share honestly where I am at in journey. I add the word honestly because I don't want this to become a place where I share contrived depth. Contrived depth helps no one. 

So, what does all of this look like? Here is where I am starting:

• Driving the speed limit. 
• Deleting social media apps from my phone and tablet. 
• 5 minutes of silence each day. 
• Daily practice of Lectio Divina

Well here it is...time to go be present. 

Heaven is about to break upon us...

 

Sometimes there are days when it feels like the darkness is winning. 
Sometimes it's when there are a lot of big and terrible things going on all around.

Today it was the multitude of small things.
So many small hurtful and dark things on this, the first day of Advent.

But I am reminded that the Light has come to drive out darkness.
I will look for the tiny flames of light that flicker in the darkness as it has passed from person to person as Advent gains momentum. Until the day of His arrival, the coming of The King of Light.


"Because of God's tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death.,and to guide us to the path of peace." Luke 1:78-79

Keep Breathing...

Everyday I am overwhelmed by the world around me.
Sometimes it's just too much.
It feels like I'm suffocating in an avalanche of...
natural disasters that destroy homes and people's lives
people who come to be to help with problems I can't even begin to wrap my brain around
precious lives being stolen by addiction
people who are trapped by circumstances far beyond their control
power hungry people who use fear and intimidation as a means to control
people who have been hurt and some eternally wounded by those who claim to follow Christ because they
don't fit the mold,
aren't enough,
or any of one million invalid excuses that are given to
exclude
divide
hate
when it should be so simple just love...

it just keeps
pressing
pressing
down.....

In those moments when my breath is stolen from me
I hear the whisper of The One
The One who created it all
Who's heart breaks with mine
Who sees more
hears more
feels more
and He says
Keep breathing.

Because I Am
The Alpha
The Omega
I Am
The Way
The Truth
and
The LIFE
I Am the Ressurrection
I am Hope
Keep Breathing...

40 Day Facebook Fast

I have recently returned to Facebook after a 40 day fast. I did it for a variety of reasons but the overarching reason was to protect and heal my spirit.  It was good. I found myself connecting more with my children, with people, with myself, and with God. There were so many things I learned about myself and others. Here are just a few:

• Boundaries are important. I knew this. I learned it before. But somehow all of my boundaries disappeared for awhile.  I can't be available to everyone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. My family needs me and I need time to recharge my batteries with God.  
• It is far too easy to use Facebook as a weapon. When there is an issue, whether big or small, it is easy to hide behind a computer screen and post your issues rather than just sitting down face to face with a person and dealing with it.  One of the most interesting things that I have found is many times the complaints and arguments people post on Facebook are really just temporary rants (that honestly should probably not even be posted) that end up dissipating if ignored. If an issue is really that important than we really need to go and talk to the person/s involved face to face.  If it's important than it deserves face time.  For those who consistently continue with this kind of behavior, there is a hide button, and if it gets really bad there is a de-friend button.  I hate that things have to get to this point but there really has to be a boundary somewhere. 
• I take things WAY to personally, really, it's not all about me.
• Facebook is a great tool to stay connected with friends and family far away  and to build and create new friendships. But that cannot happen if we don't interact with each other.  If you are interested or have a question about me or something going on in my life, please, ask, don't assume. I really value connection with people and friendship. I am very approachable and pretty open. Besides, "spying" is just not a healthy way to build a friendship. 
• Life shouldn't be lived through a computer screen or a phone. Instead of participating with life I was finding it easier to hide behind a screen.  
• I sometimes use Facebook as my filter.  In real life conversations I don't often take time to pause and think about how to respond or even what I am going to say.  Facebook forces me to think for a minute and then respond. I need to slow down when I am in real life conversation with people. 

There are lots more things I learned during my time but these were the biggees.  One of the biggest though is that Facebook is not essential to life.  I can live a perfectly, happy, peaceful life without it.  It's nice to stay connected but sometimes you need to count the cost.  I may fast again from time to time just to hit the reset button but for now I'm back.

Peace.
Tammy

Chronos Vs. Kairos Part 1

I'm currently reading Your Life In Rhythm by Bruce Miller. In this book he talks about how if we try to live our life in balance it will never happen and we'll just make ourselves crazy (I am living proof) instead our lives are meant to be lived in rhythm. 

Ecclesiates 3:1-13 says this:
There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

⁹ What do workers gain from their toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet^[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹² I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. ¹³ That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. ¹⁴ I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Living in rhythm is Biblical!!  

For the past nine years I have been struggle to keep things "in balance". I hear that phrase everywhere I go and every time I do my eye starts to twitch. 

Between marriage, children, ministry, and my own personal care, something is always neglected. But I am comforted in the fact that balance is not possible. No matter how hard I try it will not happen. 

My solution....let it go. 

Start living in the rhythm of my life. 

Focusing on the task at hand, doing my best for those other required things, and just relaxing. 

The question that I need to ask myself day to day and moment to moment is "What is important right now?" Instead of weighing myself down with what was important yesterday or what will be important tomorrow, what is important right now, in this very moment. 

The best part is that God has been whispering this in my for quite some time but it's taken me a while to really, really be ready to listen and do something about it. 

Part 2 coming soon....

Longing for the slow...

why are we always in such a hurry?
my brain and my heart have decided we need to sllllloooowwwww dooooowwwwwnnnnn......
technology....ugh....
e-mails, texts, cell phones
people expect an answer RIGHT NOW!
friends please don't expect that from me
i'm not able to accomodate that pace any more
i'd like to be
more thoughtful
more intentional
more deliberate
less rushed
less frazzeled
too many things that 'require' our attention
too many things fighting for our attention
people require our attention
people shouldn't have to 'fight' for our attention
i am tired of the rapid pace
but i am trained
trained to hurry
trained to focus on too many things at once
trained to be frustrated with people who need
time
attention
love
i am done
i surrender
i am longing for the slow

On my mind...

Snapdragons...in a lovely bouquet.

Peace...my word for 2013.

Simplicity...in all things will help me with the above.

So many other things battling for attention in my brain but I am choosing to focus on the above three for a little while. It's good to take a break, to lower the intensity setting of our minds, and just rest.

Dare to Dream: The Salvation Army Spiritual Life and Retreat Center

Even while I was still a soldier I felt the calling to minister to officers in The Salvation Army. God laid it on my heart early on, that pastors need to be cared for, loved, and encouraged just as much as the flock they tend to. In recent years there as been even more awareness brought to this issue. As I have prayed about it God has given me this dream.  I realize that in order for this dream to happen I would probably have to become independently wealthy, but hey, God is in the miracle business.  ;)

My dream is to create The Salvation Army Spiritual Life and Retreat Center.  The focus of this ministry would be officers but it would also be open to lay leaders and soldiers who are beginning to feel the effects of burnout.

I'm not sure where exactly it would be located but it would need to be beautiful and off the beaten path.  There would need to be lots of land so that people, if they choose could spread out a bit and be alone with God. 

There would be several villas, for long term stays, maybe even short sabbaticals and a bed and breakfast type house for the shorter stays. 

We wouldn't need much staff because the people who were staying there would all pitch in to help cook the meals clean the place, and even work in the gardens.

There would be planned themed retreats, ie. marriage retreats, art retreats, holiness retreats, etc. But there would also be space for people to come and just be. Officers don't get that opportunity very often.

We would request that cell phones and laptops not be brought in.  There would be a phone and a computer available if necessary.  The whole point of the Center would be to unplug and if people brought in their own electronic devices the temptation would be to use them.

Imagine the spiritual returns on this kind of investment!

There is a brief picture of my dream. Maybe someday, when I retire...

Sorting it out...

I don't often get angry. Frustrated, annoyed, maybe even a little agitated but angry, not really. I think part of it is because anger is one of those emotions I'm afraid of. You see for years I've stuffed all of those strong emotions because I was afraid that they would swallow me.

Today I didn't stuff it.

Today I let it well up to the surface.

Today I was angry to to point of white hot rage.

And it didn't consume me nor did it hurt anyone else.

I shared my anger in a safe environment and nobody yelled at me or told me I shouldn't feel that way. They let me get it out.

My anger has cooled now to a simmering frustration. And as I sit here and begin to sort it all out I realize that anger is a valid emotion. Jesus dealt with it too. It's not something I like or something that I will seek out but it is a part of our emotional make up.

As much as I don't enjoy the feeling of anger, I know that just dealing with it is far better than stuffing it and trying to ignore it. Stuffing and ignoring just leads to festering and bitterness. So in my attempt to live honestly it's time to deal with those uncomfortable emotions and move past them.

Not fun but necessary.

Three Good Things

A couple of years ago my son Nathan began to complain. He complained about everything school, the weather, food, it went on and on....and on. So on those days that he was particularly complainy I started making him tell me three good things about his day. It could be anything. Sometimes it was "school is over today" or "I had recess" but at least he was finding something good about the day.

Thus the Whitney Three Good Things tradition was born.

This week has been a tough week for our family.  To begin with Nathan has had half days of school all week and Becca has been sick.  Add that to already crazy schedules filled with programming kettles, United Way grant that has to be done early, demanding people and crabby clients and it is a recipe for disaster.

Last night after my husband got home it turned into one giant pity party.  My husband finally stopped me mid-sentence and said "Three good things." And because I don't like things to go unfinished, I tried to complete my sentence and he interrupted me again and said  "Three good things."

So here were my three good things from yesterday:

1. At our nursing home visit yesterday, a non-responsive lady suddenly burst into song! We were all kind of shocked and finally just joined in singing Joy to the World with her. 
2. Last night our Women's Ministries made ornaments with our shelter residents for their Christmas tree. It wasn't really a big deal for me or for the Women's Ministries group but our residents had such a great time! The kids were especially excited.  One little boy was running around yelling, "It's Christmas tree time!!!"  His mom kept saying, "I'm so glad my children won't miss decorating a tree just because we don't have our own place." 
3. We were able to get our daughter into see the doctor quickly.  She was diagnosed with croup and the doctor gave her medicine and told us how to take care of her. We are so fortunate to have the means to provide great medical care for our children and that we have access to doctors and medicine. 

So if you find yourself overwhelmed and frustrated today stop and just look for three good things. Make sure you share those three good things with someone. It helps to verbalize them.

Praying that today you will see those three little birds on your doorstep....