Holy Saturday...Waiting in the Liminal Space

"As his body was taken away, the women from Galilee followed and saw the tomb where his body was placed. Then they went home and prepared spices and ointments to anoint his body. But by the time they were finished the Sabbath had begun, so they rested as required by the law." 
Luke 23: 55-56

Today is Holy Saturday, the day between Good Friday and Easter. It is a day of waiting. It's a liminal space...a place between, a place of transition, a place of transformation. That is how we experience it anyway, 2,000 years after His death and resurrection. The women of Galilee had a different experience. As they walked away from that tomb and the Sabbath began they experienced a death, what they thought was final...an ending. They left that tomb carrying the heaviness of loss and the uncertainty of the future.

And the Sabbath had begun...so they rested as required by the law.

In their deep grief and sadness, in all of the uncertainty they rested. What else could they do?

For the last 13 or so years I have been listening to God for my word of the year. It always comes in the Fall but I take a bit of time to test it out to make sure that it is the right word.  This year my word is "wait". When the word came I thought to myself, "I know what this is all about. Well played God, well played."  Seriously, I thought I knew what I was waiting for and that this was all about learning to cool my heels and settle into that waiting.

And then a global pandemic happened....

This Holy Saturday the world is experiencing the heaviness of loss of what was and the uncertainty that is to come and there is really nothing left for us to do but wait. We are waiting in this liminal space, this space of between, this space of transition, and this space of transformation.

The question I keep asking myself and God is "How do I wait well?" I have tried that anxious approach, the busy approach, and even the "pretend everything is fine" approach...and you know what things aren't fine and no matter how anxious or busy I try to make myself it won't make the enormity of this situation go away nor will it speed up the wait time.

Instead, I will follow the example of those women from Galilee and carry the heaviness of this loss and the uncertainty about the future into the Sabbath that "is required by law".

I am going to rest.
I am going to honor the grief as it comes.
I am going let this liminal space do its work of transition and transformation in my life.
I am going to be present to each moment as it comes. 
I am going to wait in hopeful anticipation of the Resurrection that I know is to come, whatever that looks like.

As we enter the Sabbath of Holy Saturday, I pray that you would be able to experience the deep, peaceful rest of those that know that Sunday is coming and that death has been defeated in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

You are loved and held.

A Time for Untangling

I am a knitter...correction I am a Knitter...that capital K makes a difference. I knit almost every single day. I knit to keep my hands busy when I have to sit still and pay attention. I knit to make beautiful things. I knit to help keep anxiety at bay. I knit because I love colors and fibers. I really love knitting. 

The thing I don't love is .....tangled yarn. 

There is nothing worse that happily knitting away and coming to a massive tangle of yarn. I have a friend that LOVES to untangle yarn. She finds it meditative. I find it maddening. I usually just keep tugging and pulling out just enough yarn to knit with until the tangle is so bad that I have to stop and untangle it. 

They other day I was cleaning up a bunch of  old and abandoned projects. I was ripping back projects that hadn't seen the light of day for months, some even years and rewinding the yarn into tidy little yarn cakes to be used in future projects. 

I was happily winding away and then I came to this mess....

Actually I took this after about 2 hours of untangling. It was bad....really bad. I briefly thought about throwing the yarn away, but it was really nice yarn and I had no place that I hat to be so I took a deep breath, sat down, turned on some music and started untangling. 

Right now I think many of us are feeling pretty tangled which is to be expected in light of all that is going on in the world. I wonder though how many of us are still stubbornly just pulling on the end of the tangle hoping that it will just come loose when in reality it is just making things worse. 

Friends, right now many of us have the time to take a deep breath, sit down with our precious selves, turn on some music and start the process of untangling. Your first reaction may be one of panic or anger....because "DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH?!?!?"  I may not know exactly what you are going through but I do have a general idea and here's the thing I do know, no matter how hard you keep pulling on that yarn it will never come loose it will only get worse. 

So today I am offering you an invitation to sit down, take a breath, and begin to untangle yourself. Even if you just take 20 minutes at a time, it will be worth it. 

Would you look at that beautiful cake of yarny goodness!

Today I pray that you would find space to sit with yourself and The Holy Spirit and mindful begin to untangle your knots. I pray that you are gentle and patient with yourself. I pray that in those moments when you come to the knots that seem impossible you would breath deep and let the Spirit guide you. 

You are loved and held. 

Naming Ants....The Spiritual Act of Presence and Boredom

I can count the number of times I left my hometown as a little kid on one hand. We were pretty poor so there weren't a lot of opportunities for travel.  Every August my Aunt Janet who lived in Warsaw, Indiana would come and visit us. I looked forward to her visits every year because she would play endless games of Scrabble with me. Even though I was a little kid she never took it easy on me. I would prepare for her visits by reading the dictionary. It was GLORIOUS!

There was one summer that we got to go and visit her! I felt so fancy telling my friends, "Yeah...we're going to be out of town for awhile..." To this poor kid who never, EVER got to go anywhere the phrase "out of town" felt so fancy and cosmopolitan! My mom never learned to drive and I can't remember how we even made it to the mythical land of Warsaw, Indiana but I remember being there in Aunt Janet's house.

Aunt Janet's two boys were both grown up so she didn't have a lot of stuff for a little kid to do but I didn't need a lot of stuff to do because I had Aunt Janet and I had my imagination. The most distinct memory I have of being at Aunt Janet's house was sitting on her front porch steps watching the ants bustle about the sidewalk and giving them all names. There was Lloyd and Minerva and Jessica, and Mike....on and on we went giggling as we came up with new names.  I have no idea how long we sat there because it was so much fun that time didn't matter.



I hadn't thought about that in years until the other day when Becca, my 7 soon to be 8 year old, and I and I were talking about what it was like growing up in a time without a lot of technology and in my case without a lot of physical resources.

I do remember saying "I'm bored" a LOT. But I didn't always have an adult who was available to entertain me, Aunt Janet was a once a year treat. Her spiritual act of Presence to me when she was physically present was such an incredible gift that it filled in the spaces when she wasn't there, even after all of these years. She taught me that boredom was a gift in which we can look around and see things that we may never have noticed before. In the boredom we can name things and in that naming we are present to a world in a way that fosters connection and delight.

Today may you lean into presence and boredom as your spiritual act of worship to the Creator of the Universe. May your eyes be opened in new ways to your connection to creation, to each other, and to The Holy One who lives in sacred community. May The Spirit anoint you with holy boredom and presence in a way that you encounter His grace, mercy, and love.

Know that you are loved and held today.

I'm Gonna Pop Some Tags...

During this time of "shelter in place" I have to admit that I am mostly content. I am pretty happy to be in my own space with my family but there is one thing that I am really starting to miss...

Thrifting...

I love thrift stores and antique stores and especially the kind with piles and piles of stuff! Lots of things to sort through looking for those hidden treasures. The joy of thrifting isn't just in the acquisition of items there is so much more to it then that! 

I have a sentimental streak so I like to imagine the people who owned the items. That pyrex casserole dish...that might have held Myrna's famous casserole that she brought to all of the church potlucks. That little wooden box with the wonky blue and green heart painted on the top...that was little Lorena's treasure box that she kept her most special treasures in in the second grade.  That beat up copy of Treasure Island...that was Davey's favorite book in elementary school that inspired him to become a writer. 

Then there are the silly things that you find. One of my favorite's that I regret not buying was a coffee mug that said "I'd rather be 40 than Pregnant". There is whole Facebook page devoted to this kind of thing called "Weird Secondhand Finds That Just Need to be Shared". If you are in need of a giggle go check it out.

Thrifting is a fun solo activity but I really love thrifting with my friends. It's fun to have a friend help you look for and celebrate finding special treasures and to laugh uncontrollably over the silly things that you find. 

Thrifting is essentially looking through piles and piles of stuff to find the things that bring you delight and joy and wonder.  

While I can't go out to my favorite Thrifting spots right now I can use those same principles in my daily life to see all of the places that God is showing up. On a good day the world can seem like a big pile of random things to sort through and it seems like in these days we can get a little overwhelmed with all that we are trying to sort through. 

Right now many of us actually have time to stop and take a look around...sort through that pile of goodness to find those treasures. God is all around us trying to get our attention. 

He is in the birdsong. 

He is in the moments of belly laughs with your friends and families. 

He is in those quiet moments when you can breathe deep and just let yourself relax.

He is in the music that brings a lightness to your spirit for just a few minutes. 

He is here. He is moving. 

We just need to open our eyes and hearts and notice. 

I would love to hear some of the places that you are seeing God. What is bringing you delight and joy and wonder right now? It would be like thrifting with a friend! 

Know that you are loved and held today. 

I can....I need...I love

On a normal day it can be a lot to keep up with my extroverted, spirited daughter but during these long days at home with no school or friends to distract her, not to mention juggling my work and mental health during this global pandemic....well, let's just saying we're doing the best we can. 

Yesterday afternoon I hauled out my polymer clay supplies. I had her watch a beginner's polymer clay tutorial on YouTube while I set everything up. We turned on a movie and got to work. 

 Becca was quickly immersed in both the movie and the polymer clay. I had some things to do so I just left her to it. She sat there for more than 4 hours!

When I went to look at her creations I noticed this....

I was really intrigued by the words she chose. I asked her why she chose them and she shrugged and said, "I don't know they just seemed like important words." 

As we live in this time of uncertainty in the world around us I think these words really are so important. 

I can....what CAN you do? It can be easy to focus on all of the things we can't do but what exactly is it that you can do?

 Here is what I can do:

•  I can find things that bring me joy and hope and point them out to others who need to see them.
•  I can take care of myself physically by eating well and exercising. 
• I can soak in the time I have with my family. 
• I can pray.
•  I can be creative by making art, cooking, singing, and writing. 
• I can be kind
• I can be generous with my time and energy

I will stop there but there are LOTS of things that I CAN do! 

I need...this idea of need is really interesting to me right now. As people are panic buying all of the things, it really is a good time to assess what it is we really need. And you know what? It is ok to need things. Sometimes we need toilet paper, sometimes we need prayer, sometimes we need a hug....we all have needs. I hope that this is a time that we are able to sort out our wants and be able to express our needs. 

Here is what I need: 

• I need quiet time to read God's Word and to listen.
• I need to work through all of emotions I am feeling creatively. 
• I need the love of my family. 
• I need hope. 
• I need joy. 
• I need love. 
• I need peace. 

I love...this was the first one that Becca did and I asked her about it specifically. I asked what exactly was it she loved and she looked me dead in the eye and said very seriously, "Mama, I love EVERYTHING!"  Her love is so big it often leaks out through her body. My daughter is a serial hugger. She cannot help herself. This social distancing stuff is hard for a hugger but she is learning there are other ways to show her love to the world. 

Here is what I love: 

• I love God. 
• I love my family. 
• I love people, even when I am annoyed by them I really genuinely love them
• I love making things. 
• I love wide open schedules where I am free to think things through for as long as I need to. 
• I love pointing people in the direction of love, joy, hope, and peace. 
• I love words. 

This is another one that I could go on with but I will stop there. 

When we are in crisis mode it can be hard to slow down enough to think about what's important. Becca's clay project helped me to focus my thoughts and I wonder if they might do the same for you. 

I would love to hear your thoughts. 

I can...

I need....

I love...

I have set aside a special prayer journal for this specific season. If you have something you would like me to add to that journal you can comment here or private message me on Facebook or Instagram. 

Know that you are loved and held today. 

31 Days of Presence: Day....Well, I'm Not Quite Sure: Here's Where I Am....Thinking, Always, Thinking

So my intention with this blog was to practice 31 Days of Presence and write about it each day. I am till practicing Presence but I needed to pull back from the writing. The reason that we practice any spiritual discipline is to place ourselves in a position so that we are able to receive the Presence of God. The writing stared to feel like the motivation for the practice instead of the practice informing the writing.

This past weekend I was with some friends who I don't see often but have been key players in my formation as a Salvation Army Officer and a believer and the question was asked, "Aren't you a writer?" I responded this way...

"Well, I don't think so. I have a friend who is really a legit writer. She is disciplined and loves developing her craft. I don't really fall into that category but I do write from time to time....I guess I am a person who has thoughts and then occasionally writes them down..."

I have no intention of really growing this blog....if that happens it will be lovely but even now since I am taking a Facebook fast until after the election (more on that later) I wonder if I am just throwing words and thoughts aimlessly into the air. I am not building a platform. I don't plan on writing a book.

Why do I write if I am not a writer?

Well, I need to do something with the things that I think...sometimes it's creating art,sometimes it is verbal discourse, sometimes it's preaching, sometimes it's writing....

One of the reasons that I read so much is that I want to hear others ideas and experiences. It spurs me on to think more thoughts, to grow, to learn...maybe just maybe my voice will be one that helps others. I suppose that is what I am a person who occasionally writes down her thoughts.

The break in writing was good. It helped me to be present to the purpose of this activity and to really examine my motivation. I write a lot...in my head. Maybe part of this whole journey is learning the discipline of writing those thoughts.

Today I wrote....today I will be present.

31 Days of Presence: Day 6 Trying to Ignore the Call to Fast

"It should be accepted as a most elementary human and moral truth that no man can live a fully sane and decent life unless he is able to say "no" on occasion to his natural bodily appetites. No man who simply eats and drinks whenever he feels like eating and drinking, who smokes whenever he feels the urge to light a cigarette, who gratifies his curiosity and sensuality whenever they are stimulated can consider himself a free person. He was renounced his spiritual freedom and become the servant of bodily impulse. Therefore his mind and will are not fully his own. They are under the power of his appetites."  

Thomas Merton

Over the last several weeks the discipline of fasting keeps popping up and I have promptly ignored it and moved on. Fasting is hard and I am practicing Presence...oh wait...

Fasting is a discipline that I always struggle with because there are just so many factors. What exactly am I fasting from, food, TV, social media, talking,,,how long should it last? The reality is that this is one of those things that I find terribly intimidating and spend so much time overthinking that I struggle to engage the practice. 

Today God brought fasting to my attention from two completely unrelated sources. Perhaps it's time to stop overthinking and start listening.